is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
