I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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