he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
