Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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