She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
