I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
