just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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