From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
