Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
