I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
