He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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