you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
