Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
