we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
These tits shall not be calmed
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
