You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
