its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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