you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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