I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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