Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
