sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
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