You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
