worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
