If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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