That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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