Cold hands, warm shart.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
