You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We are all done wearing pants today
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
