did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
