I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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