if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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