Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
