I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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