it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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