Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
