Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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