I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
