Your tits are I can't wait for
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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