My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
