Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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