you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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