Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
