Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
