everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
