so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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