she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
