do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
