She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Randomize
