her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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