watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
