I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
