Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
