i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
