Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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