You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
