I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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