i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
