I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
