We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
