So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Randomize
