Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
