You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
