you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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