My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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