I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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