he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
