u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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