whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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