Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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