It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
