I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize