it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
