overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
In America we eat man semen.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
how does that bad decision feel?
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