drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
