It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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